As we are becoming more of a social "unit," it's become harder to make plans without knowing each other's schedules. We already have a fully-shared calendar for our mutual commitments, but to further combat the problem—to make mutual appointments without waiting for a response on when the other is free—Mr. Spaniel shared his calendars with me a few days ago. We both use multiple calendars so that we can color-code them on our own accounts; he gave me full views of all of his (of course he left his work calendar more private so that I could see when he was busy, but not exactly what he was doing or who he was meeting with) and suggested I do the same.
I started to share my calendars, but left the details hidden—on all of them, not just my work calendars (which aren't confidential, anyway). Of course I have nothing to hide from Mr. Spaniel, and I don't anticipate needing to in the future. But just like we don't share our passwords with each other, I held back. So we both thought it was a good time for a discussion about privacy in our marriage and how much we wanted to share and keep back from each other.
We ended up deciding that, for us at least, it would be healthier if we didn't have to always answer to each other about where we would be at every hour of the day. It's helpful for me to know that Mr. Spaniel I shouldn't schedule a vendor appointment that he wants to go to because he's with a client, or that we can't do a double date on an evening when he already has plans with a friend. But I don't need to know which friend or where they're meeting (not that he wouldn't tell me anyway) all the time. I suppose, since I trust him completely, it feels healthier for us to just be able to live our lives without a constant accounting of how time is spent. We may decide to revisit this in the future, but for now, I'm pretty happy with our arrangement. I know when he is busy (and he knows when I am busy), and more information is on a voluntary basis.
Did you and your partner discussed privacy with each other? What solution did you come up with?
We don't share our passwords, ATM/bank numbers or anything else of that nature with each other. I think we're still going to maintain separate checking accounts as well after we get married. I think what you two are doing is very healthy - and like you said, it's not like he wouldn't tell you what he's doing if you just asked!
ReplyDeleteLove the law-related title of this post :)
ReplyDeleteWe haven't really talked this stuff through yet, but he doesn't use google calendar so that's not going to be an issue. As for money stuff, we will each keep our personal accounts but also have a joint checking and joint savings. We haven't shared passwords or ATM/bank numbers either.
This is impressive.
ReplyDeletewe are low-tech and disorganized.