Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Guest list dra... wait, aren't we a little late in the game for that?

I've hit a road block. Wedding planning is easy when you're trying to decide cake flavors or floral varieties (the things that feel important but that, ultimately, are not very), but it's hard when you're fighting your family. The details are kind of personal, but the problem is probably somewhat universal: we're out of space on the guest list, and that's making some family members pretty angry. When someone as close as a grandmother (or, more precisely, the only living grandparent either of us has) threatens not to attend the wedding over it,* it makes you rethink some things (and also makes lining envelopes feel pretty irrelevant).

I've struggled with writing this post because it does touch on some really personal issues, but I know that many of us have hit road blocks just like this... and in the happy happy world of wedding planning, sometimes some of us can benefit from knowing that we're not alone when the people we love can't meet our expectations, that there are others sailing in the same boat. At least, I know I could benefit from it. :)

I'm pretty lucky because it's not affecting the most important thing: Mr. Spaniel completely supports me in not allowing myself to get walked on or bullied, and even if some key people decide that it's more important to stand up for my third cousins twice removed than for me, I'm still marrying the love of my life and will have the opportunity to create a healthier family than the one I grew up in. I am also lucky because I'll be able to get back on track with the wedding part of the planning... just as soon as I get over the shock.

*Yes, this really happened. I am debating just inviting eleven extra people to keep the peace and letting the chips (or fire code violations and budget overages) fall where they may, or standing my ground because I think that was a really, really low blow and I'm sure she'll attend anyway (and if she won't? that's a lot of poison for one family event and maybe it'd be better if she didn't).


  1. Oh no! What a rough thing to go through! Fortunately, my family has been pretty supportive through our whole process.

    My *only living grandma* has made a couple comments in the past about how big weddings are too hectic/waste of time & money/etc. and eloping like my brother did is "the way to do it", but in the end, it doesn't really matter b/c, like you, I'm marrying the love of my life and that's all that matters. :)

  2. I hate that you have to deal with this, that's really tough.

    The most important thing is that your fiance supports you 100%. Focus on that, and I'm sure you'll come up with the right thing to do. *hugs*

  3. I'm so sorry to hear about this! It is still early for us, but I have a feeling we may encounter something similar, as the parental units on both sides are already unhappy with the number of guests we have allotted to each of them. Hang in there, and maybe you can get the first round of RSVPs back to see if you have room to invite others.

  4. This is always so tricky! In a perfect world everyone would be invited. But unfortunately that can't happen for any of us (or very few). Hang in there. Maybe give it a couple of days and then decided what the 2 of you want. There is no way please everyone


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