Real wedding

Have you seen Cole and Steve's wedding posted at A Wedding Cabaret yet? I am just dying over that dress...

Registry tips

I got an email back in March from The Knot with a link to an article about registering for gifts. I thought it was still a little early for Mr. Spaniel and I to start registering for gifts (which isn't to say I wasn't playing around with online registries at my favorite stores for months already), but The Knot, The Ultimate Authority On All Things Wedding-Related, tells me—first thing!—to register early.

What are you waiting for? Registering should be one of the first tasks you tackle when you get engaged. Friends and relatives will be looking to buy gifts for all those prewedding and engagement bashes. Take the guesswork out of gift buying by making sure they know what you want. You don’t need to complete your list just yet, but at least have a selection for guests to browse.

Okay! I will! After all, this is one of the fun parts!

When I first started thinking about whether or not Mr. Spaniel and I would ever use "fine china," I found this gorgeous set at Macy's. I still love it, but I can't imagine that if we were to register for 12 sets of china at $140 a place setting that we could possibly ever complete our registry... who would be left to buy us the things that we actually sort of need (like cookware that hasn't been handed down four times, after being bought already missing lids at a garage sale)?

Anyway, a little bit of browsing around yielded this porcelain set from Crate and Barrel, which I like almost as much as the first set and, at $149 per four place settings, was just over 25% of the price. And all was well, until I read this article suggesting that banded china is not dishwasher safe! But the Monique Lhuillier set is! And the Crate and Barrel porcelain set is not! And would I want to kick myself if I had to wash 12 sets of dishes by hand after a party? Yes, I think I would.

Week 12: D

I'm still on the Buff Brides workout plan, and I give myself a D for week 12: I wasn't home on Monday, so I worked out Tuesday and Wednesday. I thought it might be a bad idea when I did it, which was confirmed yesterday when I was a big ball of soreness, and further confirmed today now that all of my muscles are SCREAMING. So I will be missing today's workout. Ahem.

But other than missing one Friday workout in week 6, I've been totally on top of this workout plan and haven't missed a single session (except the cardio—I am way behind on cardio). I think one missed workout every six weeks is forgivable. Next week switches from three to four days a week of weight lifting, though, so we'll see how it goes.

Not wedding related

Last night I went with BM5 to a champagne and dessert bar for a "wedding happy hour." After being assaulted by various wedding vendors for an hour, we were disappointed to find out that no champagne was actually being served (although the punch was pretty good... even if it did leave me with a wicked hangover today despite the relatively low alcohol content) and headed over to a wine bar down the street before heading back home. I'll have to try that place again someday, without the coordinators and photographers (etc.). I might actually suggest it for my bachelorette party.

Meanwhile, I have good, non-wedding-related news today. I got my summer internship really late in the process (some people knew what they were doing this summer last August; I didn't finish my search until last week), and I had kind of felt like a loser because it was so hard to come by (even though it's fairly prestigious internship and is not usually offered earlier in the year... I just never knew back in August though March that I actually had a shot at it) so I just kind of assumed that nothing else good on the career front could happen to me this year.

But no! I was just contacted by another prestigious agency (moreso than my summer internship) for a fall internship that I applied to months ago. Apparently prestigious internships move slowly ;).

I'm really excited, and keeping my fingers crossed! I interview next week.

Too many brides spoils the wedding

I mentioned to my mom that I wanted to start shopping for the dress in May. My goal is to start dress shopping right after finals and right before my summer internship starts so that I can go during the week, with some of my bridesmaids, and not face the zoo that is David's Bridal on a weekend.

But my mom's wedding is at the end of June, and she doesn't want to go dress shopping with me before that because she "want[s] to have [her] mind clear." What about my mind? :P Between the full-time internship, looking for a permanent job starting in August, and moving in with D this summer (which means we need to spend weekends in July looking for an apartment, not looking for a dress), I just don't feel like waiting until after June is going to be a good plan for me.

Not really sure what the best way to handle this is. Because I actually care about my dress (as opposed to, say, my flowers), I can't just buy the first dress I see from the first place I go if it's not the right one, so finding this particular item will probably take a little bit of time, and I only have time in May. I might have to go without her...? (She would kill me.)

Some good news on Golightly

The latest word is that Golightly is off the ventilator and breathing on her own. Still no update on the brain injuries, so please keep her in your thoughts.

Reaffirming priorities

Once we were within a year of the wedding, I wanted to start thinking more seriously again about the actual wedding planning, and where, exactly, we wanted our budget to go.

Other than the venue and catering, which we took care of earlly, things that were really important to me are the paper, the dress, the photography and the music. I care less about the flowers and other decor. So I had to keep that in mind when I determined where to spend our money.

1. The paper. I know Mr. Spaniel would send invitations by email if he could, and I understand the sentiment... but I love stationery. I just really enjoy the feel of fine paper with high quality printing, and I think this is something I want to make sure we do well. We could spend quite a bit of money here (I've seen invitation suites for thousands of dollars), or very little, but my goal was to get 100 letterpress invitations/envelopes, RSVP cards/envelopes, and thank you notes/envelopes for under $750. Better yet, under $600. I had no idea how I was going to do that, but I suspected it would involve coming up with my own design and getting most pieces letterpressed, while getting some others digitally offset. Blah.

2. The dress. I don't think I need to spend all that much on the dress to still treat it as a priority—I just needed to be willing to look around until I find what I want. I don't need an expensive or super fancy dress, but I do need it to fit spectacularly, and it has to be something I'm going to be comfortable in all night. This one is more of a time investment than a financial one, relatively speaking.

3. Photography and music. Ugh. Almost all of the photographers whose portfolios really impressed me charged at least $5,000 for the day. That's way too much for me. I'm going to save money by printing my own photo albums, but beyond that? I don't want typical (boring) wedding photos, so I can't just hire anyone. This required a lot of research. Same story with the music—we don't want your average wedding music. We want world music that reflects our eclectic tastes, so most wedding bands are out! DJs should be less expensive, but finding (1) a good DJ, (2) who has done weddings before, (3) who has a music library big enough to fit everything we want (from indie rock to flamenco to bhangra), (4) who will MC the reception, and (5) who isn't out of our price range was a huge challenge!

So flowers are definitely getting the short end of the stick. We'll probably be doing candle centerpieces (about $15 per table to DIY?), but we'll still need a bridal bouquet, five bridesmaid bouquets, three corsages, and 11 boutonnieres. Oh my god. Can I just get someone else to do this? Oh wait, I can't; that's not in the budget!

One year!

Today is the first day of spring, and marks exactly one year until the wedding. :)

It will be a busy week

I think I've got the wedding schedule down, now: one week prior will be the bachelor/bachelorette parties (no, they will not be together); two days prior will be the rehearsal and dinner, the day prior will be the mehndi party with the families and bridesmaids, day of will be... well, the day of. :)

MoH and BM5 will be planning the bachelorette party on the Friday or Saturday before the wedding in my neighborhood, so I shouldn't need to do any planning there.

I'll probably have to plan the whole rehearsal dinner on Thursday night. Our reception site is about an hour plus in traffic from where we live, so we'll need to do this on that side of town, rather than our own. We'll probably do it at the restaurant which was our second choice for our wedding reception. But other than booking the event and sending invitations, I won't be doing any extra work here—decorations for a rehearsal dinner? Yeah right.

My mom might help me plan the mehndi party on Friday night, but I think that will mostly be my baby. I'm planning to hire a henna artist to do my mehndi and any bridesmaids that want it, at my apartment. I like to think that I'd make Pakistani food for everyone there and we'd make a mellow night of it, but that kind of sounds like a lousy way to spend the day before my wedding! So I'll probably have to have some kind of food catered... something cheap, because this event isn't part of my wedding budget. Damn.

And then, W-Day. Nails, hair, make-up, marriage. Woo! I think we'll need a hotel room in the neighborhood for myself and bridesmaids to (finish) get(ting) ready before heading down to the venue.

Arg. This is all going to be time-consuming and expensive. I'm sure that it will be fun, too! :)

And in other news

MoH just called from work; she found a rabbi that not only does interfaith weddings, but "would be happy" to do mine. That's good, I guess. Um, yeah.

I think the wave of pseudo-religiosity and trying to reconnect with my upbringing and heritage is on the ebb right now, though, because at this point I'd be totally okay with a Unitarian or non-denominational minister performing the ceremony with just a couple of touches of Jewish (and other) ritual thrown in. But I hear he is young, and very progressive, and it'd be worth a call, I suppose (and at least now we have a name and number to start our search with).

Anyway it's a busy month (plus) coming up, so I'll probably give him a call in April and see if I think D and I should meet him. It will be good to get moving on the wedding planning train again.

Bev has posted a few more updates on Golightly. She's been transferred to a different hospital, and the swelling in her brain has gone down some, but not enough yet to accurately assess her injuries, according to her new doctors. The good news is that some of her other injuries are starting to heal, so I'm holding out hope that the more serious ones will soon, as well.

Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers!

More details

The latest update on Golightly's condition is here. She was in a major car accident and is very seriously injured. If you're the praying type, please pray for her.

Always a bridesmaid... well, this time, anyway

One of my future step-sisters and I met my mom at David's to buy bridesmaid dresses today (the other one picked hers out yesterday). Holy crap! NEVER go there on a weekend!

Anyway, we all got our dresses for my mom's wedding. I got the cotton sateen dress with the pockets, which was really the best of all the options; FSS got a long chiffon dress that she plans to cut off at the knee (seems like a lot of trouble to me for a dress you'll never wear again...); and the other one got a shorter, looser dress that kind of looks like a swimsuit cover-up to me. Ha!

Anyway. I might buy my dress there because of the prices, but NO WAY am I having my girls in bridesmaid dresses there. Bleh.

Prayers needed

The details are unclear, but it seems that GoLightly/B-Squared Bride (of here and here) may have been in a serious car accident. Please keep her in your thoughts.

Something blue, on your shoe!

Stuart Weitzman 'Peepers' Pump, Nordstrom

Alright, the price may be a bit steep (at $575), but how hot are these shoes for your "something blue"?

Wedding look 4

Here's another bridal look that I think would fit really well with our garden wedding venue and my unreasonable love of lace.

Dress: Oleg Cassini dress from David's Bridal, $1,050. Hair: image from The Knot. Flowers: image from Arena Flowers. Jewelry: Gwenyth CZ earrings, $68; Raphaela rhinestone necklace, $36 by Anna Bellagio. Shoes: Joshua by Nine West, $79; Patterned classic ballet flats by J. Crew, $118.

I had been a fan of A-line silhouettes, but lately I am definitely drawn to slimmer lines and mermaid style dresses. They are just seeming more visually interesting to me right now. Even though this one is a slightly sexier style dress than I'd originally had in mind, it still has enough lace to make it super feminine. I really like the hairpiece, too; it's sort of floral, right? I'd like a similar hairstyle, but maybe a little looser and intentionally messy.

I also liked the earrings because, even though they are rhinestones, the shape of the design reminded me of a lace pattern. And the shoes! These, really, are not my favorites, but I really want to find some colorful and interesting shoes that are fun(!). Where can a girl find green wedding shoes that aren't satin?

A dress for my mom's wedding

I was really excited to buy a dress for my mom's wedding. I'd seen a few dresses at Nordstrom that were especially awesome, that were conservative enough for my mom's semi-religious wedding (maybe, maybe not, but I wasn't willing to go any more conservative), but that I could wear again easily.

Both are relatively reasonably priced, and I find them extremely cute. But my mom, who started out with a small, simple wedding, has changed her plans (JUST A BIT!) and I now can no longer choose my dress, or the length, or the color...

She now has something like this in mind.


It's definitely not terrible, but I can promise I will never get any further use out of a dress in a color called "watermelon" again. And I just hate long dresses. :( I'm trying to at least talk her into these, because they're not totally hideous.

I don't know. I like David's for some wedding dresses, maybe, but I'm not too keen on their bridesmaid selection. At least, not in WATERMELON. Bummer. (And I'm still disappointed I don't have an excuse to buy the Adrianna Papell dress anymore!)

How important is the alcohol?

For a lot of people, the best part of a wedding is the open bar (sad, but true. Weddings can be super boring). The venue Mr. Spaniel and I are using includes a three-hour open beer and wine bar in the base price, but not a full bar. I had thought that the full bar was an extra $25 per person per hour, but I've just realized that I misread the prices, and we could do a signature drink for $15 per person for three hours. Which is awesome, because I would love to have a signature cocktail, which I think really adds to the party because (1) more people are drinking, (2) people have more fun when they are drinking, and (3) a signature cocktail can really help tie together a wedding theme.

Anyway, we're not totally sure we want to commit to the extra expense (it's kind of a lot, you know?), but if we do, I'm trying to think of some good signature cocktail options that would fit in our wedding. We're getting married on the first day of spring, and while our main wedding colors will be primarily black and white/ivory (at least in terms of what the VIPs are wearing), all of our accents will be in shades of green (flowers, fabrics, and anything else that isn't a dress or tux on someone's body!).

So here are some options I've come up with:

1. Mojito. Limes and mint leaves fit in our color palette, but I always associate this drink with a hot summer happy hour. Does it work at the tail-end of winter/beginning of spring?
2. Key Lime Pie. It's made with lime juice, vanilla vodka, lime cream liqueur and half and half. It sounds fantastic, but really heavy!
3. Apple martini. Everyone loves these, but I hate them. So this is probably a no-go.

Any suggestions?

Skinny dresses!

Now that I am officially a hot potato, I am a little more willing to consider a more form-fitting dress. After all, how can D and I do a nifty little salsa number for our first dance if I'm in a big ball gown? :)

I guess I really need to knock off the chocolate? :) Anyway, the first dress is another Oleg Cassini from David's Bridal for $1,050; the second is only $499!! Of course, it doesn't have any lace (which I want) but... so what? It's hot!

Buying an engagement ring

It's not hard to find information on buying a diamond—most jewelers will be more than happy to tell you about the four "C"s, and you know your budget better than De Beers does (two months' salary? malarkey!).

But an engagement ring is more than just a diamond; it's a piece of jewelry that most women will wear everyday for the rest of their lives (or their marriages; you know, whatever). So the NUMBER ONE piece of advice I would give anyone who is looking to get a ring in the near future? ASK HER WHAT SHE WANTS.

(Ha, you thought I was going to say something about the significance of an engagement ring and the love that it symbolizes or something sappy like that? Bah. You obviously don't know me very well. The ring means nothing more than how people react to it. It's not a symbol of anything except the money you spent. So SPEND LESS!)

To save money on the ring, Mr. Spaniel and I tried a few different things. Maybe one of these will work for you!

First, we looked into a sapphire ring instead of a diamond (this one is from Brilliant Earth, a jeweler specializing in non-conflict diamonds and recycled metals based in San Francisco). Blue is my favorite color and sapphires are my birthstone, so it seemed like a viable option. It was important to me, though, to find a setting that could sit flush with the wedding band, and I didn't find a sapphire ring that I liked that did that, so we decided to keep looking.

Once we decided on a diamond, Mr. Spaniel started planning to get me a solitaire ring, which would have offered some savings on the setting, at least. But I wanted something that offered a little more visual interest for the buck, and solitaires are sort of... expected? So we kept looking.

We also tried to save money on the ring by shopping around online. I had found a beautiful Ritani setting that I loved in a jewelry store, but I didn't love the price—it was set with a 75 point stone, H color, and it was still $7,500! So I spent hours (months, really) shopping around online, trying to find (1) a lower retail price, (2) an online or out-of-state retailer who wouldn't charge sales tax, and (3) a higher quality, less expensive diamond to set in the ring. I eventually found all three of those, but because the designer setting was so expensive, we just couldn't find the ring for less than $8,000 (for a full carat), and that was more than we wanted to spend, especially for a piece of jewelry we'd never laid eyes on.

What ultimately saved Mr. Spaniel and I the most money, aside from skipping the "designer" band, was changing the shape of the diamond. Round cut diamonds lose more of the raw stone than any other shape, so a well-cut 1 carat diamond will cost much more than a less traditional shape cut from the same rough stone. Princess cut diamonds are very trendy and in-demand right now, so they also cost more than similar-sized diamonds in less common shapes. Reducing the size of the diamond from 1 carat to .9 carats also reduces the price, well beyond the 10% reduction in weight.

We ended up getting a ring like this one (only, NOT two carats; image from Ring Envy): an oval cut, .91 carat center stone with .76 carats of tiny round cut diamonds surrounding the center stone and along the band. Because we went with a smaller center stone, we were able to get a much higher quality color and clarity, and because of the surrounding diamonds on the halo setting, it actually looks much bigger than it is. And because we had learned a lot about what we should look for in a diamond and what it should cost, and went to a local, family-owned shop, we were able to negotiate a great price on the ring.

On engagement rings

J. Money over at Budgets Are Sexy has an interesting discussion going on at his blog on buying engagement rings. As I wrote in the comments, I was actually the one who picked out and did the research on my engagement ring. ¡Qué unusual!

Later this weekend, because I have nothing better to do, I'll write about that process so that any of you who are still not engaged know exactly how to nag your man to best effect. ;) Or at least how to find a deal on your ring if he lets you do all the work!

The totally weirdest dream in the universe

Last night I had a really bizarre dream. Beth was my mother, and Dave (Emily's husband) was my father. This is peculiar, because while I think I might be the same age as Beth's oldest daughter (maybe), Dave is certainly not more than five years older than me.

Perhaps the scariest part of the dream is that I think it's the ages of my "parents" that are peculiar, rather than the fact that I am dreaming about bloggers.

Goal weight... achieved?

I'm definitely not down to where I was at my peak (or is it a valley?), but now that I'm a few years older and can't pass for a teenager anymore (ugh), maybe I'm not supposed to be. What I know right now is that, even though I'm carrying a tiny bit more fat in my belly and my upper arms then I want to be, I have always carried more fat there than I've wanted to, and that was even when I was ten pounds lighter than I am today (and I was not healthy at the time).

So as of today, I will accept my body at the size and shape that it is. I haven't gained or lost any weight since a month ago, and I don't know that I need to at this point. I will keep exercising to make myself healthier and stronger, and mostly maintain my dreaded diet (which I still fantasize about breaking in really awesome ways... like eating an entire SaraLee pound cake in one sitting, for example). If I never get to a size 2 again, I'll live. I'll just need to buy new pants. :)

Writing a marriage contract

Mr. Spaniel seemed to be more surprised every time we talked about it that I wanted a Jewish wedding... maybe it took him a few months to pay attention when I talked about it. :) Anyway, he definitely had a WTF moment when we talked about a ketubah (a Jewish marriage contract) a few months back (even though it was at least the third time it's come up and he was totally okay with it the first two times!), so I decided to do some research into the texts. Certainly we would not be having an orthodox ketubah, because we don't follow "the laws of Moses and of Israel," but I like the idea of writing down in a "contract" our expectations of each other and our marriage, and I wouldn't mind writing our own (in lieu of writing our own vows to be read aloud at the ceremony). Anyway, when I read him this secular text (from New Ketubah), he finally seemed convinced.

On the [day] of the week, the [day] of the month of [month] in the year [year], in the presence of family and friends in [city, state], [bride's name] daughter of [father] and [mother], and [groom's name] son of [father] and [mother], affirmed their union of marriage and made these vows to each other:

As beloveds and friends, we choose to walk life's path together. We will appreciate our differences as a source of richness and build a life together as equal partners and supportive companions. We will be slow to anger and quick to forgive. We will celebrate life's splendors together; we will brace each other through its storms. May our love provide us with the freedom to be ourselves and the courage to follow both our mutual and our individual directions.

We promise to honor our ancestors, families, and all living beings; treasure, enjoy, and continue the traditions we have inherited; create a home filled with love and peace, freedom and compassion. We will shelter each other; our home will be a place of openness and generosity. With our community of friends and family as witnesses, we now combine our separate fates into one.

Mr. Spaniel's response? "That's actually pretty nice. I really like what it says about openness." I showed him the Embracing Trees design from Ketubah.com, and he really liked that, too (he's a hippie).

In any event, I'm feeling less attached now than I was to having a rabbi perform the ceremony. If we have a ketubah (more as a keepsake of the event than anything else), and he breaks a glass at the end, and maybe we can do a wine blessing in the middle somewhere (because it would be more interesting than a completely secular, ritual-free wedding), I think I'm happy enough. I go through phases.

Wedding look 3

I just couldn't resist. Here are two bridal looks, one that I wouldn't do (aside from the price, which is over my dress budget, it's a little too "ethnic"... but man, I love that dress!), and one inspired by it, which I would definitely do!

Dress: Mint Charlton bridal lengha from Bargello, $1,900. Bridal necklace and earrings from RC Jewellers of Delhi, image from Indian Gem and Jewelry Magazine. Henna on hands and feet, image from HennaMe Happenings. Shoes: Jaipoori Juti from Germes Online. Bangles from General Shingar House.

I could never imagine getting married in an actual sari, or in the traditional Indian red and gold—I'm only half, and I'd feel like a jerk—but I found this and I just love love love the dress (which is actually a skirt/lehenga and top). LOVE it. But it is heavily beaded—really heavily beaded... like, I bet that thing weighs a ton. So here's another take on it.

Dress: Milana by Maggie Sottero, $1,025. Earrings and necklace, images from Jewelry Adviser [sic] Weblog. Fiona headband from Tigerlilly, $350. Shoes: image from Blissful Weddings & Events. Wrap from David's Bridal.

I love how they even have the same hairstyle ;). I am definitely drawn to dresses with straps/sleeves, and I love the way this dress sparkles.